My Monkey Head!!!!!

On Jan 2nd, 2003, I made a trip to the DR.  I had been sick for a cpl weeks and couldn't figure out why.  My little cousin Keli went with me to my appt.  My Dr. said it was probably the flu and that I just needed lots of rest and fluids.  When we left the appt my cousin asked if I was pregnant.  Ummm....NO!!!  Are you kidding me?  Me a MOM?  Well the more I thought about it, the more I realized that YES, I think I might be. 

I stopped of at the Walgreens in town and grabbed a EPT test.  Next stop....Where else but Taco Bell?!  Taco Bell you ask?  Yes!!!!  It was the closest location with food and a bathroom.  I remember walking into the bathroom.  I felt nervous and sick to my stomach.  I sat down took a deep breath and let the river flow.  I set the test aside on the dispenser.  I waited for a few minutes praying for a negative.  I was shaking sooo bad when I picked the test up.  I looked down and there it was, a big fat PLUS sign.  First thought....This test is a LIAR....A LIAR!!!!!  So I whipped out the 2nd test and squeezed out the rest of what I had.  Again I waited a few minutes.  This test also came up positive. 

 I instantly began to cry.  I was overcome with a MILLION different emotions.  I had a million thoughts.  How will I take care of my baby? What will the Dad say?  My life is OVER!!!!  I will never be the same.  What if I give the baby up?  I had so many thoughts my head, that it was beginning to hurt.  I thought things I never though I would.  I hardly remember the rest of the night.  I was in a fog.  I do remember calling my BoyFriend and telling him.  I don't think he believed me because he said "Yeah, ok, see you when you get home".  My cousin asked several times if I was pregnant but I just kept saying, tests can lie (denial is great). 

 How would I tell my parents?  I didn't want them to be disappointed in me.  Well it took me a week to work up the courage to tell them.  Well, not so much courage.  I was a coward and called them from work.  I figured that it would be easier that way to escape the conversation if it headed south.  They were disappointed but supportive.  They lifted me up with kind, caring and loving words.  My Dad told me it would be hard work but that they loved me and were here for me. 

On Jan 11th 2003, I saw my baby for the first time.  I will admit I thought, Dang that is one weird looking baby.  I also got to hear the heartbeat.  As soon as I heard the heartbeat, I started bawling.  This is MY baby!  I'm really going to be a MOM!  I don't know what it was but at that moment I fell in love.  I still had doubts but my happiness outweighed my doubt. 

My pregnancy was great.  I did have a wicked sense of smell though.  Everything made me gag.  I had to keep a trash can by my teller station at the bank.  We had one customer that would come in and I would begin to gag instantly due to his smell.  Overall it was the perfect pregnancy.

I swore up and down I would have a girl.  I KNEW in my bones it was a girl.  I even had her name picked out.  I did not want a boy.  I grew up with just sisters.  I wouldn't know what to do with a boy.  In June 2003, I went to my Gender Ultrasound.  I brought my whole family...SERIOUSLY!!!!  My Mom, 3 Gmas, 2 Aunts, 2 Sisters and the baby's Dad.  I laid back on the table and prepared to see my baby girl.  Well, it indeed was NOT a girl.  It was a boy.  I thought...Ummmm.....I don't know what to do with a boy.  How will I take care of a boy?  Overtime I began to get excited about having a boy.  Picking the name Aidan for him and naming him helped me get used to the idea of having a boy.  I got a little obsessed buying the cute little baby boy clothes.

On Sept 3rd 2003 I woke up with cramps and a bit of blood.  I was so scared.  Was Aidan ok?  I called the Dr and he said it sounded like I was in labor to head to his office.  WHAT????  I'm not ready yet!!!!  I wasn't supposed to have him till the 5th (hey I wanted those 2 extra days).  I got to his office, he checked me and sent me to the hospital.  I wasn't mentally ready for him to come.  I was in early labor till about 10pm on the 3rd.  Things started to get crazy then.  I remember getting my epidural around 3/4 am.  Boy did I LOVE my epidural.  The next morning I was sooo exhausted already.  Honestly I don't remember much.  It was a crazy day and my ENTIRE family showed up.  There was so much support and love. 

Around 12pm on the 4th my Dr. told me I could start pushing.  I was so scared.  How would I have the strength to push him out?  I was already sooo tired.  Everyone was so helpful and helped push me through.  I remember at one point my little sister who was 8 at the time was in aww.  She went out into the hall to let everyone know how it was going.  My Gma asked "How's it going?"  My little sister replied "It looks a little bit hamburgery in there".  Apparently when a baby crowns it looks like hamburger meat!!!!!  Well after an 1 hr of pushing.....My sweet Baby Aidan came into this world.  I have never fallin so in love so quickly.  The Dr. laid him on my chest and I could feel the warmth of his body....so calming to me.  Any doubts I had or Negative thoughts just disappeared.  I remember him looking at me and I said "I'm your Mommy".  My heart was so full of love.  My whole life changed in that moment.  My life wasn't just about me anymore but I didn't care.  My life was his.  At that moment I couldn't imagine not having him.  I felt complete the moment he was born.  My first Baby.....he was/is everything to me.  He was/is the greatest Blessing from God.  

As I was still spread eagle on the table someone told the family it was ok to come back into the room. My Gpa's headed in to be greeted by my lower half still in stirrups. I don't think my Gpa's have ever been so embarrassed.  They got to see it all!!!!!  They both booked it out of the room and into the hallway.  A bit later the room filled with my family.  Aidan was the first Grandchild and Great Grandchild.  Everyone was smitten by him.  He was so small and sweet!!!  

Well here it is now 8 yrs later.  My little sweet baby will be 8 on the 4th.  There will always be a special connection with him.  He is growing into a young man right before my eyes.  He is very caring and loves to help.  He is also head strong and loves to argue....Not my favorite traits.  I pretend he didn't get that from me.  He makes me laugh all the time.   He is very smart and loves to learn.  I can not even put into words how grateful I am for him or how much he changed my life for the better.  There are days that I feel sad seeing him get so big so quick but there is joy in watching him grown into a young  man.  Aidan has been through a lot in his little life but he has come through everything.  He is an Amazing boy and I am so very Blessed that God chose Me of all people to be his Mama!!!!!