In Nov 2007 I was a week late. Mark and I were down at the AF base doing some things. I told him I thought I might be pregnant. He went into the store and bought a First response test. I was freaking out because Aidan was 4 and Bryce was only 10mths....YIKES!!!! I went in a took the first test....It came out Negative....SCORE! Then I just had to take the second because for me being a pee on the stickaholic....one was NOT enough. Well, this one came back with a faint line. WOW....which do I trust??? I could NOT, not know right that moment if it was positive or negative. I went out and we bought a digital test. I went in and took it. I waited while it blinked. Having 2 boys so close was a scary thought. I was on birth control and did NOT want another baby right now. Mark and I wanted to enjoy the boys together for awhile before adding ANOTHER baby to the mix. Well, it began to flash pregnant. Instantly my heart sunk. How in the world did my birth control fail? Why?
I came out of the bathroom and Mark looked at me and said "Soooo????". I just handed him the test and he smiled and said "Wow, you're fertile Babe". Yep apparently I am. I was not ready for another baby. Mark and I had Gotten Married June 2007 and I felt like having another was just to much to take on at the moment. Mark was of course fine. He was so calm. Kind of Excited. He took a picture of the digital test and sent it to everyone. Of course this time...I was married and it felt good knowing this would be our first baby as a married couple.
This pregnancy, I again hoped to add a girl to our family. I thought....There is NO way this one will not be a girl. We already have 2 boys. At our Gender U/S I got excited to finally use our girl name we picked out. I laid back and Loved seeing the baby bounce around. Seeing the babies little face. What a cute face too. She looked just like her Mama. Well the Dr. Laughed and said "Jessica, it's another boy". Okay, so maybe HE was cute and looked just like HIS Daddy. I felt my heart drop. This was our last baby. No girl for me. I honestly felt so terrible for NOT wanting another boy. I yearned for a girl.
As the months passed and I felt him move, I began to be ok with it. I had picked out names but really nothing Mark and I REALLY liked. Then one day my Mom called and suggested the name Chase. I instantly LOVED it. Mark on the other hand would like it one day and not the next. I just began calling the baby Chase. I felt it was his name.
I have a hard time recalling a lot of my pregnancy with Chase though. I was in pain and had issues with walking and trying to take care of the 2 older boys, deal with being pregnant, moving and lots more. I feel terrible for not remembering much. There was so much going on that I feel like I didn't get to really enjoy my pregnancy.
On July 12th 2008.....I was induced at the hospital. They began my induction at 6am. Labor was hard but I was able to get an epidural. I love epidurals....I LOVE them. Once again there were lots of family there to visit and hang out. We figured we would make sure everyone was there early on since Bryce came so fast. I am the type of person that loves to be surrounded by people while in labor. I love to chat and laugh.
It came time to push around 1:00 in the afternoon. I had those closest to me there for the birth. I was so Thankful my Mom was there. I began pushing and it was so painful. I felt like every time I could feel him coming out, he would suck back up in me. I couldn't help but cry. 30min later....Baby Chase was born. I remember I thought he was SOOOO CUTE!!!!! He has big lips and full cheeks. Once again I fell in love. God had Blessed me again with an amazing and beautiful child.
The next day we took Chase home. Boy oh Boy did Aidan and Bryce freak out. They helped so much and loved on him constantly. They cuddled him, put blankets on him and helped in anyway they could. Watching them hold him was wonderful. They instantly had a tight bond.
Chase is now 3 and is a BIG Mama's boy. He's my little buddy. He loves to cuddle, rub my face and lay with me. He is such a blessing. I would be lost without him. He is also what I like to call the destroyer. That kid will destroy anything he touches. As a matter of fact I will be making a post just for the destroyer and his adventures. He is in to EVERYTHING. I can no longer go pee alone....I HAVE to take him with me because I can not leave him alone. Not even for a quick trip to the bathroom. He tests me daily but no matter how rotten he is......He is the biggest love bug. He is my sweet baby boy!
On May 5th 2006, I had a feeling I may be pregnant. I had a pregnancy test on hand (from when I took a million more test WHILE pregnant with Aidan) and took it. It of course came up positive but then the what if's popped into my head. What if the test gave a false positive? What if it's to old? What if I have the hormone but am not REALLY pregnant ( Cause we all know this always happens, right?)? You know all those ridiculous thoughts you have????
Well.....I just knew once again it was wrong. I called a friend and headed to Walmart. The whole 15 min drive I kept getting overly excited but was still scared. I knew my Fiance (now Husband) would be worried but excited. I knew that I should have waited till we got married. I kept thinking....what will everyone think? Will they think I just keep getting pregnant because I'm an idiot? Well I met my friend and we headed into the store. I bought a 2pack of EPT and a 2Pack of First Response. I knew that with just taking one more there was still a chance of it being wrong again. So I sat down and....yep you guess it.....peed on ALL 4!!!!!!! When they simultaneously all came up positive I felt sick. Then the doubts set in. I thought...man it's all going to happen again. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I gathered my thoughts and tried to calm down.
I began my 15 min drive home. I still wonder how one person can have so many darn thoughts in 15mins. I pulled up into our driveway and just sat there for a half hr. I quietly walked in to our house and crawled back into bed with him (I failed to mention it was 5am). I cuddled up next to him and nudged him. He rolled over and I said as quickly as I could "I'm pregnant". "Huh?" Darn it I have to repeat it again???? UGH!!! "I'm pregnant Honey". He just looked at me and said "Well, your pregnant and we will handle it together". I was amazed that he didn't freak out. Honestly it made me mad that I was freaking out inside and he was fine.
Well a bit later I called my Mom and said "Hey I have something to tell you". Her first response was "Your pregnant aren't you?" "yes"....I began to cry. They once again she said we are disappointed but will support you. Having them be disappointed is so much worse then if they had been angry. Parents ;) They reassured me of the fact that they still love me and that they were there.
At our First appt we got to see our lil bean. The baby had such a strong heartbeat. Aidan was with us and seemed to be excited! We could see the baby moving around. Mark (my then Fiance) just looked in aww. Like he didn't know how to react. It was just a blob with a heartbeat. Non the less it was very exciting for us. Aidan kept saying "Mama has a baby." I know he didn't really know what was going on but he was very excited.
For the next 2 mths we talked about how much we would love to add a girl to our little family. We had a Girl name picked out but no boy names. This time I KNEW it was a girl. It had to be right? Well in August we went in for our gender ultrasound. We went into the room and I laid back on the bed. The Dr. began the U/S and you could see the Baby's little fingers, the cute tiny toes...then wait the Dr. said "I think it might be a Girl". OH MY GOSH!!!!! Seriously????? Mark's face lite up. then he switched to 3D. He then said "No....I was wrong (giggled). It's a boy". Honestly I felt very sad and so did Mark. All I've ever wanted was a girl.
We left the appt and Mark drove us to the store. We went into the baby section. I kept looking at girl clothes but I remember Mark came over with the baby's first outfit. It was a cute little blue outfit with a puppy on it. I then thought it would be kinda nice for Aidan to have a brother.
Over the next few months we were in the process of picking out a name. It would have been a fun experience had Mark not been soooooo picky. EVERY single name I liked he shot down. I was beginning to panic. We were 4 weeks away from the baby with NO NAME coming. I wanted a name NOW!!!! One night I had a dream that we had named him Keeton and in the dream Mark signed the Birth certificate. I ran up to the Lady and said...wait...I want Bryce. It was to late. As soon as I woke up I said "Hey, what about Bryce?". He loved it. So now our baby boy had a name : )
On Dec 30th 2006 I went into the hospital for an induction. That night they placed in a waffer to soften my cervix. The Dr stated that contractions normally don't start for a cpl hrs after. WRONG!!!! Within 20min I began having strong contraction. It was bad. They began the pitocin the next morning at 5am. Oh My Gosh......seriously the worst contractions ever. I hardly had enough time to breath in between. Shortly after 8am I got my epidural. We called my parents to tell them to head to the hospital. I needed my Mama there. She was so great when I had Aidan....I just needed her with me. Mark was so great helping me out. He rubbed my head and got me water, ice and everything else I needed. Well at 9:20 the nurse came in to check me and I was dilated to 7cm. As soon as she walked out I told Mark and his Mom...."I NEED TO PUSH". They went and got the nurse. She came in and said "His head is right there." I Burst into tears. MY mom still wasn't there. I couldn't do this without her. She is my rock. I kept saying...No but he was coming. I called my Mom and I remember crying so hard......I just wanted her there with me. She answered and I said "He's coming". She started crying. She sat on the phone with me the whole time. 3 pushes and Baby Bryce was born at 9:30am. My mom had hang up and I felt so sad she hadn't been there but so happy to welcome baby Bryce. He was soooo cute!!!!! They laid him on my chest, I then gave him to Mark to take over to the little baby station.
My Parents got there 20 min after he was born. I was so happy to see my Mom. It was sad the drive took so much longer then we thought it would. I still cry...even writing this. I am so happy they got there shortly after though.
We were so happy to have Bryce here. We couldn't wait for Aidan to meet him. Marks parents brought Aidan to the hospital the next day. Since it was RSV season he couldn't come in to meet him. I was soooo sad. Aidan sat outside the nursery window as I held Bryce up. He got the BIGGEST smile on his face. Then he did the sweetest thing I've ever seen. He kissed his little hand and placed it on the window....so I put up Bryce's hand up to the window. Aidan was in aww of his new baby brother.
When we brought him home Aidan was such a big helper. Bryce seemed to take to Aidan very quickly. Watching Aidan hold him for the first time was sooo precious.
Now Bryce is growing up so fast. He is so sweet and funny. He has a little lisp and I adore it. He is such a helper and loves to help take care of his younger siblings. He is a bit mouthy and likes to throw some fits......he can be such a stinker. He really is a great boy though. I was afraid of not having enough love to give him....I have more then enough though. He is very easy to love. I can not imagine not having him. He loves to dance and sing. He always makes me laugh with the funny things he says. I love watching him grow but hate it at the same time. Time passes way to quickly. He is and always will be my Brycee Poo Poo!!!!!
On Jan 2nd, 2003, I made a trip to the DR. I had been sick for a cpl weeks and couldn't figure out why. My little cousin Keli went with me to my appt. My Dr. said it was probably the flu and that I just needed lots of rest and fluids. When we left the appt my cousin asked if I was pregnant. Ummm....NO!!! Are you kidding me? Me a MOM? Well the more I thought about it, the more I realized that YES, I think I might be.
I stopped of at the Walgreens in town and grabbed a EPT test. Next stop....Where else but Taco Bell?! Taco Bell you ask? Yes!!!! It was the closest location with food and a bathroom. I remember walking into the bathroom. I felt nervous and sick to my stomach. I sat down took a deep breath and let the river flow. I set the test aside on the dispenser. I waited for a few minutes praying for a negative. I was shaking sooo bad when I picked the test up. I looked down and there it was, a big fat PLUS sign. First thought....This test is a LIAR....A LIAR!!!!! So I whipped out the 2nd test and squeezed out the rest of what I had. Again I waited a few minutes. This test also came up positive.
I instantly began to cry. I was overcome with a MILLION different emotions. I had a million thoughts. How will I take care of my baby? What will the Dad say? My life is OVER!!!! I will never be the same. What if I give the baby up? I had so many thoughts my head, that it was beginning to hurt. I thought things I never though I would. I hardly remember the rest of the night. I was in a fog. I do remember calling my BoyFriend and telling him. I don't think he believed me because he said "Yeah, ok, see you when you get home". My cousin asked several times if I was pregnant but I just kept saying, tests can lie (denial is great).
How would I tell my parents? I didn't want them to be disappointed in me. Well it took me a week to work up the courage to tell them. Well, not so much courage. I was a coward and called them from work. I figured that it would be easier that way to escape the conversation if it headed south. They were disappointed but supportive. They lifted me up with kind, caring and loving words. My Dad told me it would be hard work but that they loved me and were here for me.
On Jan 11th 2003, I saw my baby for the first time. I will admit I thought, Dang that is one weird looking baby. I also got to hear the heartbeat. As soon as I heard the heartbeat, I started bawling. This is MY baby! I'm really going to be a MOM! I don't know what it was but at that moment I fell in love. I still had doubts but my happiness outweighed my doubt.
My pregnancy was great. I did have a wicked sense of smell though. Everything made me gag. I had to keep a trash can by my teller station at the bank. We had one customer that would come in and I would begin to gag instantly due to his smell. Overall it was the perfect pregnancy.
I swore up and down I would have a girl. I KNEW in my bones it was a girl. I even had her name picked out. I did not want a boy. I grew up with just sisters. I wouldn't know what to do with a boy. In June 2003, I went to my Gender Ultrasound. I brought my whole family...SERIOUSLY!!!! My Mom, 3 Gmas, 2 Aunts, 2 Sisters and the baby's Dad. I laid back on the table and prepared to see my baby girl. Well, it indeed was NOT a girl. It was a boy. I thought...Ummmm.....I don't know what to do with a boy. How will I take care of a boy? Overtime I began to get excited about having a boy. Picking the name Aidan for him and naming him helped me get used to the idea of having a boy. I got a little obsessed buying the cute little baby boy clothes.
On Sept 3rd 2003 I woke up with cramps and a bit of blood. I was so scared. Was Aidan ok? I called the Dr and he said it sounded like I was in labor to head to his office. WHAT???? I'm not ready yet!!!! I wasn't supposed to have him till the 5th (hey I wanted those 2 extra days). I got to his office, he checked me and sent me to the hospital. I wasn't mentally ready for him to come. I was in early labor till about 10pm on the 3rd. Things started to get crazy then. I remember getting my epidural around 3/4 am. Boy did I LOVE my epidural. The next morning I was sooo exhausted already. Honestly I don't remember much. It was a crazy day and my ENTIRE family showed up. There was so much support and love.
Around 12pm on the 4th my Dr. told me I could start pushing. I was so scared. How would I have the strength to push him out? I was already sooo tired. Everyone was so helpful and helped push me through. I remember at one point my little sister who was 8 at the time was in aww. She went out into the hall to let everyone know how it was going. My Gma asked "How's it going?" My little sister replied "It looks a little bit hamburgery in there". Apparently when a baby crowns it looks like hamburger meat!!!!! Well after an 1 hr of pushing.....My sweet Baby Aidan came into this world. I have never fallin so in love so quickly. The Dr. laid him on my chest and I could feel the warmth of his body....so calming to me. Any doubts I had or Negative thoughts just disappeared. I remember him looking at me and I said "I'm your Mommy". My heart was so full of love. My whole life changed in that moment. My life wasn't just about me anymore but I didn't care. My life was his. At that moment I couldn't imagine not having him. I felt complete the moment he was born. My first Baby.....he was/is everything to me. He was/is the greatest Blessing from God.
As I was still spread eagle on the table someone told the family it was ok to come back into the room. My Gpa's headed in to be greeted by my lower half still in stirrups. I don't think my Gpa's have ever been so embarrassed. They got to see it all!!!!! They both booked it out of the room and into the hallway. A bit later the room filled with my family. Aidan was the first Grandchild and Great Grandchild. Everyone was smitten by him. He was so small and sweet!!!
Well here it is now 8 yrs later. My little sweet baby will be 8 on the 4th. There will always be a special connection with him. He is growing into a young man right before my eyes. He is very caring and loves to help. He is also head strong and loves to argue....Not my favorite traits. I pretend he didn't get that from me. He makes me laugh all the time. He is very smart and loves to learn. I can not even put into words how grateful I am for him or how much he changed my life for the better. There are days that I feel sad seeing him get so big so quick but there is joy in watching him grown into a young man. Aidan has been through a lot in his little life but he has come through everything. He is an Amazing boy and I am so very Blessed that God chose Me of all people to be his Mama!!!!!
Well I woke up this morning with another ridiculous headache. I tell myself "oh well sista, push through your a mommy". That may have worked but my Keurig passed away and My Husband had to remove her from my sight. My heart was crushed. So I pulled out my old coffee pot and brewed up some Keurig cups. Hoping this may take the edge off my headache. As she was a brewin I hear a shatter.....I ran in and My dear sweet angel Emalee had broken my favorite coffee mug. I see that half of her banana is missing. No way she ate it that fast. She loves to eat but I know she is no mole (FYI it's the fastest eating mammal). Then I call out to Chase....NO ANSWER. I KEEP calling....No answering. I then head into his room and ask "Why are you not answering me????" "I NOT CHASE!!!" "Who are you?" "I am ASTRO BOY DUN DA DUNNNN!!!!". So now I must call him Astro Boy Dun Da Dunn or he will NOT answer me. Bryce then decides to rub my head. What a sweetie pie!!!! Trying to help Mommy :) Then Chase has to go use the bathroom. I tell him go ahead I will be in, in a minute. I hear screaming.....run in and he somehow managed to get the toilet paper holder thing stuck on his neck. How does one do that??? What gave him the idea? He's crying and wiggling getting Poo all over the seat. I get it off, clean everything up and we head out to the living room. I decide....hey, maybe if I workout this headache will go away. I put my socks on, grab my shoes and slip my feet in. Suddenly I feel something cool and squishy on my right foot. Pull her out and VWALLA.....Emalee's missing piece of banana. I KNEW IT!!!! Now way she wolfed down that banana! Now to clean my shoes but wait, wait for it........my dish soap is missing. How is this possible?? Within the last week my laptop charger, blow dryer, bra and now my dish soap have gone MIA. It's not even 10am and my blessings have done a number on me. All I can do is laugh and be Thankful for my babies. Where else can I get memories like this?????
In High School I swore I would NEVER EVER have children. I thought....Who the heck wants to be tied down, responsible for kids and never have your OWN life?????
WELL.......I am now that person. I have 4 children that God Blessed me with. I now look at things so differently. I am filled with so much joy and Love. I can not imagine a life without my kids. Now don't get me wrong, there are days I wonder what life may have been and sometimes I feel I need to be placed in a home from the stress BUT the Good outweighs the bad in so many ways. My hope for this Blog is to share my moments.....Wonderful, Terrible, Funny or Sad. Being a Mother is VERY hard work. For me at least. I have Days where I am so happy with my life and Children and days where I struggle to find the good. I am hoping by writing this Blog.....I can re read it and find the Good in everything. I also want Mothers to know that no matter how Lost you may feel or Stressed as a Mom....GOD WILL PULL YOU THROUGH!!!! He gets me through every day. He is Amazing!!!!!! Without him, I don't know how I would make it through some days.
